MY “WHY”

My adoptive parents were living in Missouri and done having kids, having three of their own already. They were in church and the pastor was talking about a mission trip the church was planning on attending. All of the sudden, my mom felt like like God was telling her, “Hey, you need to adopt a baby.” Of course both my parents were shocked and confused. Despite those feelings, within the next couple days they began to fill out paperwork. My mom would go to restaurants and wonder if that would be her baby. She had all her faith God and trusted He had a plan. She was not aware of my sex or ethnicity or when she would get me. She sent in a scrapbook and a note about her and my family. She then got a call from the agency saying, “This process can take up to ten years or you may never get a baby.” My parents were confused, but knowing what God told them to do. The following day the agency called again. “I lied to you, a teenage girl had a baby yesterday and chose your family.” Four days later, my whole family was on a flight to Florida to pick up their new baby.

My adoption is closed. So, we do not know much about my birth mom. All we know is she wanted me to be an only child, she was 16-17 years old, she hid her pregnancy for 7 months, she was adopted by her grandma, and she was in and out of the hospital.

As I have grown up, more and more feelings have been surfacing. I have really struggled with loneliness, feeling unwanted, and depression. I recently have found that adoption is often told from parents and families perspectives. People don’t realize the pain that adoptees feel. We need just as much support as the families do. This story is supposed to be ours, and somehow it’s not anymore.

My hope is as you read this blog you will know that your feelings are valid and that you come to a better understanding of how adoptees feel. I hope by telling my story you will have the courage to share your story and together, we can reclaim this narrative.

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