GRIEF AND GIFTS

Today it truly hit me, adoption is the best gift I have. It’s not a gift that has a perfect bow and can’t wait to open, but it is a gift. I met with my friend Maggie today. Our conversation opened my mind up to many realizations about grief, my gifts, and how blessed I am to be in the situation I am in.

One of the gifts that come alongside with my adoption, is the ability to connect with others in unique situations on a deep level. I understand feelings that many others will never truly understand. Maggie had shared with me that she lost her dad when she was 9. As she was talking, I came to the conclusion that she goes through many of the same feelings I do. 

When she was younger, not knowing her dad was all-consuming. He missed her graduation, meeting her husband, her wedding, meeting his grandchildren. I got to listen to her and tell her that I know what it feels like. I know what it’s like to be consumed by someone you feel is essential for life, to be gone. 

Yes, our stories are different. She had a childhood with her dad, I never met my birth mom outside her womb. But, we have so much in common. We both experienced a great loss, parent related trauma, and we both know what it’s like to have some people just not understand.

We also talked about grief. She has a great analogy. She explained that people view grief as a straight line. You have a starting point and an endpoint. But sometimes, grief is like a child coloring on the wall. It goes up and down and side to side.

 Some things trigger the grieving process and it starts all over. For me, it’s when I go to the doctors. I can never fill out family history, because I don’t know anyone in my birth family. I then start to think about my birth family and how I wish I knew them. Grief can sometimes be a never-ending process. Through my personal experience with grief, I have drawn much closer to God. I have experienced his love on a much greater level.  I have found his love is never-ending and unchanging, no matter what circumstance I’m in. Adoption has also given me the gift of empathy to many different feelings. 

Adoption comes with many confusing and emotional feelings. Whether you are adopted or not, I’m sure you have felt these feelings at some degree. I truly believe God has given me a beautiful and unique gift. I plan on sharing my story to encourage and give a word of hope to others.