I have really struggled more recently with feeling like I’m losing myself. The biggest reason i’ve felt this way is because I lost my 99% of my friends. I tend to find my identity in how many friends I have, how good of a friend I am, and how many people “need” me in their life. When I started to try to focus on God, my friendships fell apart. No one my age wants to pursue God. So, when I started talking about God and trying to get them to pursue Him with me, it fell apart. It tempted me to want to go back to being “fun.” It tempted me to forget about all this God stuff and be loved by the people I care about more than anything. It’s hard to realize that friendships end for a reason. It’s hard to trust that God will put more people in your life. It’s easy to lose sight of all the people cheering you on, when they people you want to care about you forget about you.
It’s easy to forget all the things your gaining when what you put as your #1 priority disappears. I’ve been talking to my mom about this a lot. One thing she is always reminds me is that I’ve never been happier in life. I’ve never been filled with joy until i started to pursue God. Yes, losing my friends did hurt, but despite that, I am so happy. With the help of God, I won my battle with depression. I don’t feel like the same person I was for 16 years of my life. I am happy doing things alone. I’m not scared to lose the friends I have made and drawn closer to, because I know they are true friendships. They won’t drop me when I say how I feel and they don’t want to hurt me.
Matthew 10:39 says “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake finds it.” I I think this verse is incredibly encouraging. It is a reminder that we will feel lost at times pursuing Christ, but we will find the life again. I believe that this is true. I want to encourage you in the fact that if you’re feeling this way, God‘s got your back. He knows you’re struggling. He will bring people in that love you and care about you. I know He did for me and I know he will for you.